Week 1

10/01/2010
I am new at the blog-writing stuff, but I thought I would try my hand at it after trying to deal with a certain person last night regarding a conversation with a newly diagnosed cancer patient, and have this same person not listen to - or honor - the wishes of said cancer patient.   This patient being my youngest sister who is only 47 years of age.

This whole story started a couple of weeks ago when my sister began complaining that her back hurt near the left kidney area.  The pain was to the point that she made an appointment to see a doctor.  My sister went to see a doctor!?!  Lions, and tigers, and bears … oh my!!!!  She does not like doctors.  She avoids doctors and dentists like the plague!  It was then I knew that what ever was bothering her had to be drastic.  Well … the doctor said she could feel my sister’s kidney and spleen – something she should not be able to do.  Fast forward a couple of weeks and take a journey to the emergency room of the local hospital because the pain in her back is excruciating.

This wonderful lady has a strong will – not to mention that she is extremely stubborn and has been since the day she was born.  I marvel at her reaction when she was informed by an ER doc that all of the tests that were run that night pointed to lymphoma, and the pain that she was experiencing was due to the spleen being extremely enlarged to the point that it was pushing on all of the organs (especially the kidney) in that region.  An operation was out of the question because the spleen was too fragile. In my opinion, she treated this piece of news as if she was told she has a hang nail.  Amazing ... simply amazing.  So, admitted to the hospital she was for further tests.

After a tissue biopsy was performed a couple of days after admission to the hospital, my sister was told yesterday that she has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  It could be worse in that she could have been told it was one of the other two types the doctors thought she might have: sarcoma or melanoma.  Yikes!!  And I thought the sound of colon cancer was awful!!  According to her doctors, better to have this type of cancer than the other two previously mentioned because it is more treatable.  Yeah …but...

 I remember losing a mother to colon cancer at the age of 51, and a step-father (sister’s father) to lung cancer at the age of 65.  I keep thinking, “Did she not hear what the doctors said?”  Right now, God love her, she is barking orders from her hospital bed.  She is demanding without being mean about it, except not demanding when it comes to what her adult children want (so unlike what I think I would do).  Even though she is tired and wants to rest, she will not tell people to go home and let her have some peace.  She will not turn her phone off when she doesn’t feel up to talking to anyone.  She keeps telling everyone that she is fine, and she very well may be even though everyone else is inwardly falling apart.  She is allowing things to take place around her that she would otherwise not tolerate or let slide outside of the walls of the hospital.  Why??  I have to wonder.

Given all of this, why would anyone (who supposedly knows her well) continually ask her if she is going to die?  A question posed to her repeatedly by her son’s wife via a phone call from out of state – even after my sister asked her to stop.  Why would anyone not think a question such as this is pure torture to the newly diagnosed cancer patient?   This same person wants to spend money that she and her soldier do not have right now to hop on a plane – even after being told not to … “not right now … [stay where you are]   I AM FINE!!!”  I can understand where they are coming from in wanting to be with her because I would want to be near my mother too (Oh wait … I was!  I was one of the major caregivers during our mom’s brief 18-month battle with colon cancer).   However, now is not the time to be disrupting anyone’s life, especially that of the cancer patient.  A concept that I nicely tried to point out to my nephew’s wife – honor the wishes of your mother-in-law; keep everything status quo.  She if she doesn’t want you to get on a plane at this point in time – don’t.  If she asks you to stop asking her about whether or not she is dying – do so.

Well, that went over like a lead balloon (I guess I should have had a V-8).  She even had the nerve to bother my nephew while he is on field maneuvers to complain that I was saying mean, hateful things to her via email.  C’mon now.  Asking politely for someone to stop asking, “are you going to die?” because you can see that it is physically upsetting to another individual is mean and hateful?  Not in my book.

Thanks to my nephew’s wife, he no longer wants anything to do with his aunt; I am no longer considered a part of his family.  I refuse to get upset or lose sleep over this type of childish behavior.  After all, I lost a mother - who was also my very best friend - to cancer.  I think I do know what I am talking about.  And, yes, nephew’s wife … I did research what type of cancer my sister has been diagnosed with, and I do know what to expect, and what type of care is required.  Been there...done that ... from the beginning diagnosis, through the chemo and radiation, the loss of hair and appetite, the constant dehydration, and finally the eventual loss of my best friend and mother ...  I do know what cancer does to all involved.  You are not the only one in this world that has been touched by cancer in one form or another!  And you, dear nephew, want to be petty about feelings that may or may not be hurt without the benefit of knowing both sides of the story?  SERIOUSLY!?!

So … readers, I ask for your opinion in this matter.  Should the wishes of my sister be honored?  Does she not have the right to say what happens in her life from this point forward? Or … am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?